non sequitur - noun - a conclusion that has no logical connection to the preceding premise.
Unfortunately for those of you who pride themselves on being the Dr. Spocks (of Star Trek) of the Universe, you may be totally confounded by the daily non sequiturs that present themselves in the news these days. But what if one has caught you off guard personally so that you have been completely blindsided by what has fallen into your lap from out of the blue?
Case in point: my love life at the present moment is resembling a rom-com that ends tragically with a non sequitur, meaning an ending that is a complete reversal, one that makes no sense at all given the "preceding premise" and one that is so illogical that even suspension of disbelief can't go the distance so that it would seem rational. Let's put it this way. My actual experience transcends that of Sex and the City's Season 6 when Carrie Bradshaw gets dumped via Jack Berger's post-it note: "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me." Albeit the note is rude–contrary to decorum–at least the two are depicted as not getting along; ergo, the break-up is seen as inevitable. But what if all had been going swimmingly the entire time; passion was constantly in the air; affection, plentiful, future plans were being conceived; "I love you's were exchanged? And then, hours later, there is a text message that reads, "I'm leaving town and you. Although you did nothing but love me well, I can't return the love" even if he had been the entire eighteen months of the ill-fated relationship? An insane non sequitur!
After I did everything to make sense of it and the previous star-crossed relationships that I mainly walked away from, the most current, nonsensical, real-life episode motivated me to Google: Why are Baby Boomer men so messed up?
For once, A.I. was totally accurate. Our dear Boomer guys' irrational behaviors come from mirroring their shell-shocked, WWII veteran dads who could still proudly hold their medals high despite their unrecognized PTSD. Because they had saved the planet from the Nazis, these larger-than-life soldiers had unrealistic expectations for their male offspring. They taught their little boys to be unemotional, which was perceived as being strong. (You know, like "There's no crying in baseball" although that is directed at women.) Ergo, the sons grew up not knowing how to manage their emotions well or just submerging them altogether. When you are deprived of love from your hero–your dad–you have a hard time loving yourself or anyone else, particularly an emotional woman like me who loves fast, hard, and well. You become unstable, noncommittal, fearful, and guilty–in short, a psychological disaster area. Which is why most therapists do exceptionally well. And by the way, unsurprisingly, the divorce rate among Boomers has never stopped burgeoning.
Okay, Boomer gals. How can we negotiate the non sequiturs? We don't have much of a choice. We can try communicating our needs (which has never worked for me) or attempt couples therapy that emphasizes the communication (again, never worked for me), or if used to flying solo, we can go back to the single cockpit of that small stunt plane and "defy gravity" while singing the tune from Wicked. It isn't so bad. At least our current society embraces singlehood as acceptable, unlike the Greatest Generation's that did not.
Will I go back to Match.com to search for yet another seriously mentally ill, male Baby Boomer anytime soon? Nope. I'm looking forward to taking to the air (literally) in a glider in the fall. When one is down, the only direction to go is up. And eventually, I'll be the one to drop down from out of the blue. Hopefully, there won't be any non sequiturs, and the landing will be cushioned.
#blog, #blogger, #romantic love, #breakup, #relationships
No comments:
Post a Comment