bi-coastal - adjective - living, working, or regularly traveling between the East and West Coasts of the United States (Merriam-Webster.com) I would like to amend the preceding definition to include the following: 2. bi-coastal (as it pertains to friendships), platonic relationships that exist simultaneously on both the East and West Coasts of the United States.
Because I lived in the New York area for all but two years of my life, when I uprooted my cast-in-stone life and relocated to Los Angeles in 2024, I was able to pack up my friends (and some family) in a technological suitcase and take them all with me along with my material possessions. Additionally, once I was acclimated to the day to day in SoCal, unabashedly joining multiple organizations filled with like-minded folks, I made many new friends rather quickly. Ergo, at present, I have a variety of bi-coastal friends. Half are there, 3,000 miles away, and half are here. So far, I am managing to keep juggling the multifarious balls, spending quality time with both subsets either online via Zoom, texting, email, phone calls, or in person.
Most would find it difficult to maintain contact with all of these cherished individuals, but for me, a lifelong collector of people, not things, it isn't. But what I am noticing lately is the dissimilarities between the groups. For one, my East Coast friends have more complicated lives despite most being retired. The majority are married with children and grandchildren, meaning they value family more than friends. I have to book way in advance if I want to put together a Zoom or if I want to visit them in actuality. They don't have time, or don't have the motivation, to step away from their routines and visit me. So the street is, for the most part, one way. And it is short. My East Coast friends do not like to drive far to see people whom they love as friends. If they agree to meet at a restaurant, it better be equidistant from all parties, making said eatery not easy to locate. And as they are always consumed with familial obligations, an agreed upon date and time are near impossibilities. Case in point: I just got off of a group text that involved five women (excluding me in CA). It took the better part of the day to finalize plans for a birthday dinner party. They were all so occupied, they had to opt to go out the following evening. Which impressed me as you would think spontaneity would be an extinct concept with this group. One more thing re: socialization, my friends on the East Coast will rarely return texts within an hour's time. Some will go days sans answering, something I find a bit rude.
On the other hand (or side of the country), my West Coast pals, despite being much younger than the East Coast crowd and employed, are a bit more uncomplicated. For one, finding a mutually compatible date to get together is relatively simple, but it could be because I don't cut them as much slack as my East Coast associates. I give them two dates, they select one, and wha la! I pencil them in on the calendar. If the group is large and a few can't make the date, it is not a big deal. They simply join the party the next time around. (I wouldn't dream of excluding any of my East Coast friends from an event, probably because they would be irreparably pissed off at me.) And no one out here is afraid of driving distances albeit in L.A., he or she should be since the drivers here are off the deep end (and have the potential to be literally). We do have to attempt to schedule meetups before or after rush hour, though, as traffic can be heavy at certain times, and it may take two hours to go ten miles. Still, even if it does, no one is very distressed about it, but the East Coast clan would be infuriated despite having to endure traffic abnormalities regularly. And one last difference, just about everyone I know here will text back immediately or within a reasonable time frame.
What I find interesting is that my "transplant" friends who were once East Coast denizens but who now live here brought their social idiosyncrasies with them. (See paragraph 3.) And it doesn't matter how long they have resided here. When it comes to human nature, a pattern often remains fixed.
Could it be that East Coast urban/suburban dwellers are by and large a bit more uptight than their counterparts on the West Coast? Could it be that the West Coast coalition experienced better parenting? Do the variations have anything to do with the weather? Eureka! It just could be the reason. I do believe people, in general, are quite affected by climate changes. Consistency is key; inconsistency causes stress and related problems. Yet what do I know? All I do know is what I observe. Opinion can transmogrify into fact with substantial evidence.
What it all filters down to is this: I feel blessed to have the friends I do have. All of them are family to me, solid gold despite their contrasts, good or bad.
#friendship, #bi-coastal, #differences, #blog, #blogger, #sociology, #personal essay
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