The Imprimatur, ADD, and the "Talkaholic"

 

imprimatur - noun - a person's acceptance or guarantee that something is of a good standard (Google).

The other day, I came across this word in a somewhat facetious text message that a fellow member of my book club had sent to the group. Apparently, her daughter issues the same imprimatur, "That's funny" to all examples of humor, no matter what. As I put down my iPhone, I asked myself this question: If someone uses the same catch phrase all the time in response to whatever, is the person truly listening? Did the person actually hear and comprehend what was just spoken? I would wager that the answer could be no. As I get older, I am realizing that listening to others can be a behemoth task, especially if the diagnosis is ADD and the speakers provide TMI, too much information, but not the salacious kind.

ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder, can affect not only children but adults, too. Mine comes and goes, which makes me think that what I have is voluntary ADD as opposed to involuntary. Simply put, I select what I want to hear and disregard the rest. Like a kindergartener, my attention span is limited. It has been said that small children can only concentrate for a sustained period of about 25 minutes. I think I can only focus on what is being told to me for only five minutes, but it varies depending on the speaker and the content. 

I have found that I have little patience for "talkaholics," communicators who jabber interminably sans  breaths at points of punctuation. If there are indeed any end points, these folks make it impossible to tell. Oddly enough, I know more garrulous men than women, and they tend to be bachelors. Which isn't surprising. People who live alone can be lonely. When placed in social situations, they overreact/overcompensate in a sense, becoming grand mal communicators at the expense of their listeners. At present, I am trying to avoid a new male friend, who talks so incessantly about himself that I can't get a word in edgewise. It's frustrating as I find that I am forced to step on his words just to participate in the conversation. It feels like being on the losing end of a tug-a-war rope.

If you are open to it, here is some practical advice from a former Public Speaking teacher (i.e. me): 

If you are self-aware, most likely you already know whether or not you are a talkaholic. Unfortunately, there isn't an AA equivalent for those afflicted with this malady. Whatever or whoever you are, just be cognizant that your receivers can be suffering from ADD. Limit what you have to say so that there is genuine give and take. Without the interplay, there is really no conversation, just a monologue or soliloquy that perhaps belongs on a stage rather than in two-way communication. 

Considering the state of affairs nationally and internationally these days, there is a lot to talk about. I will issue an imprimatur of excellence (A+) to those who can step up and step back to allow for a balanced, equitable conversation. 

Thanks for "listening." 

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