love - n. - an intense feeling of deep affection (Google)
On the calendar, today, Valentine’s Day, February 14th, has been set aside to celebrate love. Love as an abstraction has multiple definitions and types, causing it to be a floral centerpiece for exegesis. Yesterday, one of my closest friends who resides on an island off the coast of Virginia emailed me an article written by a local divorcee, whose life experience has bestowed her with a bit of practical wisdom. According to her, love is not a feeling (sorry, Google) but an action. In other words, you might possess intense feelings of deep affection for someone, but what solidifies love is sacrifice, which puts romantic love in the same category as parental love.
Having been around the block a few times myself as yet another divorced woman, I would like to broach the theory that love is born an emotion but gradually grows into an action. To clarify, in romantic love, the afflicted falls in love, meaning she or he (or they) becomes immersed in that heady, cross-eyed state wherein the object of affection is viewed as perfect in every sense. This degree of intoxication may or may not persist indefinitely. True, mature love eventually comes (or doesn’t) with the willingness to transcend this superficial stage and commit to making sacrifices for the object of love, beginning with the divine notion of “forsaking all others.” In layman’s terms, if you or your lover cannot engage unselfishly, then most likely your love will not persevere the test of time.
Case in point: a few years ago, I connected romantically with a man my age who was twice divorced. Unfortunately for me, his adult daughters had a significant hold on his devotion. For my birthday, he, a real estate agent, had slyly commandeered an exquisite Victorian home that was in between buyers, dressed up the parlor with quixotic trimmings that included roses, candlelight and champagne, and served a luscious meal at a private table meant just for the two of us. I was swimming in the light of delight when the mood was rudely interrupted. His smartphone rang. On the other side of the phone was one of his daughters. By accepting the call, which could have waited since there was no emergency, he drowned all possibilities of mature love between us. This may sound harsh, but clearly, there was no way this man was ever going to put me first in his life. We broke up but remain close friends to this day. And yes, his adult daughters still have considerable control over his life. And yes, he is still single.
On this Valentine’s Day, define love however you want to define it, but apply the definition amorously and unselfishly. Happy Hearts’ Day!
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