resentment - noun - a feeling of indignant displeasure or bitterness toward someone or something perceived as an insult, injury, or unfair treatment. (Merriam-Webster.com)
Petty resentment, especially toward a parent, can linger deep in the waters of one's subconscious for decades but can swim up to the surface every now and then to take a breath.
Case in point: Although I loved my deceased mother dearly, she wore the pants in the family and could be dictatorial–benevolent or malevolent–depending on the situation. To say that she was strict might be an understatement. For example, because she dreaded anything remotely related to funerals, my sister, two years older than I, and I were prohibited from wearing black: no black jeans, no black T's, no little black dresses. You get my gist. To even out the score, once I became emancipated, I wore black all of the time and still do. Could my perennial defiance be a robe, black or otherwise, covering up a petty resentment that I had and maybe still have toward my mother? Probably.
To tell you the truth, I am certain that my own adult daughter still resents me for a few mandates I put into place years ago when she was growing up. I do recall not buying her her own television when she was twelve. And I probably did not let her watch shows or movies with adult content in them on my TV. What self-respecting mother would? (I don’t know about today’s moms, though. Could they be a bit more lenient?)
Young people on the fence about becoming parents can use the aforementioned to justify not having children. Those of you who are already committed to parenthood know that it isn't easy. Raising kids to love unconditionally rather than to resent might just be the hardest thing you've ever done. After all, there wasn't a guide book handed to you in the maternity ward stipulating how to keep your kids from harboring ill will toward you. Since then, you’ve had to wing it the whole way, doing what your instincts have told you is right to protect the little suckers (sometimes, literally), and you’ve taken the risk of their hating you for it.
Yet maybe it all boils down to balance. You and I resented our parents for something petty, so our offspring now have the opportunity to hit us in the face with a similar tasting lemon meringue pie, an apt metaphor as there is bittersweetness in the mix. Parenthood can be painful and so can childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, yet there are usually so many rewards that there can be no regrets.
Let's hope that true love outweighs petty resentment in the end.
#resentment, #parenting, #blog, #blogging, #personal-essay
No comments:
Post a Comment