fait accompli - n - a thing that has already been decided before those affected hear about it, leaving them with no option but to accept it. (Oxford Language)
To some, Thanksgiving might be an occasion that exemplifies fait accompli: their friends and/or family had made other dinner plans months before, deciding not to include them in the plans for one reason or another, leaving them no choice but to be left out of the mix. In other words as casualties of the holidays, many wind up winging Turkey Day alone, choosing to spend an hour or so at the local Cracker Barrel, pretending the sodium intake there will be equal to or better than a home-cooked Butterball. I have a relative who is this person. And what is worse is that her two adult sons have no problem with it, no doubt claiming that she made her own bed and now has to sleep in it. I'm alluding to the fact that this woman is a narcissist and has done a lot to isolate those whom she claims to love. Via her actions and their consequences, she often finds herself sans an invitation. This, I conclude, is due to choice.
What she has forgotten to do is choose joy by way of inclusion or selfless generosity that is often seen at this time of year. If joy is hard to muster, create a valid scenario first before bathing in this mirthful pond. For example, rather than select the option of solo dining on near fast food on a major holiday focusing on sharing, share, not with the relatives who abandoned you, friends you haven't yet met. Go down to a local church and ask the minister if some of the parishioners plan to be by themselves and volunteer to host them. Buy what you will need to cook and serve an authentic Thanksgiving feast for them, or if you are on a budget, buy foods that are as rudimentary as possible. Just share the love via what you can afford.
As as example, I am reminded of one of my favorite filmic scenes, the closing sequence of Woody Allen's Broadway Danny Rose wherein he plays a luckless talent agent whose clients perform way-out, bizarre acts that are pretty much unmarketable. For Thanksgiving, he invites all of these outliers within society to his meager, New York apartment and serves them Swanson's turkey TV dinners on tray tables while they entertain each other by rehearsing their hopeless material. The movie's viewers sit somewhere between bitter and sweet as initially the scene is tragic in its destitute desperation yet gloriously uplifting as the celebrants are genuinely glad, grateful to be together partaking in what little Danny Rose can give them. Surely our narcissist could have made something like this happen in her world, but this is an image she would never be able to conjure up in her selfish mind deplete of true joy, the kind that you get from giving to strangers.
And isn't Thanksgiving just that? A means of thanking while giving? I suppose the narcissist would say that he or she feels as though he or she needs to be thanked, but since the person won't be, he or she will thank himself or herself while treating himself or herself to mass produced and served turkey or ham. I doubt anyone would describe this option as joyous.
Father Greg Boyle, the founder of Homeboy Industries, an organization that aides gang members here in Los Angeles, wrote in his profoundly relevant book The Whole Language: "No matter what, choose joy." It is as simple as that. Choose joy and then go a step forward by paying it forward. There are so many ways you can reach out to people less fortunate than you are, particularly at this time of year.
Enough said. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, readers! Thank you for bothering to visit this blog when you have millions of other choices.
#Thanksgiving, #joy, #giving, #personal essay, #blog, #narcissism
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