penchant - n. - a strong or habitual liking for something or tendency to do something (Google).
In the sixties, seventies, and early eighties, I used to have a penchant for traveling via commercial airlines, the key word here being "used." After flying to L.A. from New York, L.A. to Portland, L.A. to Boston via Philadelphia, L.A. to Vegas, and L.A. to Ft. Lauderdale via Houston in under four months, admitting to being "spent" would be an understatement. I am exhausted, not from adventuring forth, but from the means by which I adventured: the airlines themselves. Ugh.
To be fair, not all of the commercial airlines are half bad. It is also necessary to take into consideration that I fly "steerage," what the liners refer to as "basic economy," the lowest common denominator of options. To be entitled to the reduced fare of basic economy, you must take only one carry-on that has to be stowed under the seat in front of you and must agree to join the crammed occupants inhabiting stiff, straight-backed, third-class seats on the jet in the way, way back. As bad luck would have it, I usually find myself in row 30, right in front of an ever-flushing john, surrounded by screaming infants in considerable distress, much to the dismay of their parents, who are apathetic to the comfort of their fellow passengers. When I find myself in this unfavorable position, "You only get what you pay for" tends to reverberate through my head. Ugh.
But I digress. In case you don't already know, Delta is about the best corporation in the sky. Even if I do find myself where I don't want to be, sometimes I might have a row to myself in addition to complimentary beverages, a snack in a small package, and movies projected on the headrest of the seat in front of me. Although overworked, the flight attendants are generally industrious and agreeable.
On the other hand, American and United can both be problematic. The former tends to emphasize the extremes of classism by dividing the cabin into thirds: first (upper class), business (middle class), and coach (lower class), making those relegated to steerage think they are mutually stuck in a third-class berth on Titanic. The last time I flew American, one of the flight attendants mysteriously disappeared, causing a delay of about an hour. The company's excuse? The euphemistic, "Oh, there was a scheduling conflict." Yet murmuring through the crowd was the probable rumor: "The flight attendant forgot something in the ladies' room and went back for it, never to be seen again." For whatever reason, the latter, United, usually experiences delays, especially from their hub of Newark. Ugh.
By far the worst airline I've encountered is yup, you guessed it: Spirit. Like People Express before them, Spirit believes in customer service for a price. They nickel and dime you for everything. It is flying at the bare minimum, no frills whatsoever. Actually, I'm surprised the passengers don't have to sit on the meagerly carpeted floor. And if you are unfortunate enough to be caught on the runway for over an hour in the middle of the night due to a corporate scheduling error regarding gate availability, the flight attendants (who do pretty much nothing because there is nothing for them to do) won't even offer the incensed passengers any free leftovers from the barely touched, pay-per-portion refreshment cart. No kidding. Yet they smile and laugh just to convince you they own what was formerly known as "the ole college spirit," living up to their employer's name: Spirit. Ugh.
In summary, traveling economically via commercial airlines these days is not for the weak at heart. You have to be tough and tenacious. Take it from an experienced, yet frugal flyer who has gone up in biplanes, a stunt plane, and even a balloon. If you have the money, spend it flying first class on Delta. Although you will probably still have to wait in line somewhere in the airport, at least you'll be able to relax in comfort once you are on board. No "ugh's" in sight.
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