The Future of "Grokking"

 

grok (grokking) -v. - to understand something intuitively or through empathy (transitive); to communicate sympathetically (intransitive) (Google).

    The other day I bit the bullet and decided to read (mainly out of curiosity) my "long-term, long-distant, low-commitment, casual" boyfriend's favorite novel,  the sci-fi classic Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein. The four-hundred-plus-page book set at no specific time in the distant future was penned in the early 1960s, yet still remains remarkably futuristic albeit a tad dated like The Jetsons or The Fifth Element with its inclusion of dirigible taxi cabs. The protagonist, the "Man from Mars," Valentine Michael Smith, a human raised by Martians, groks more than speaks to Earthlings once he is physically returned to his parents' home planet, Earth. The term grok was apparently used widely during the 1960s; however, only those in STEM use it today. Which is why when I came across the word in the novel, I didn't recognize it. Seriously, even though I did grow up in the 1960s, the word was not part of my parents' vocabulary. Perhaps it should have been, though. Parents should always at least make an attempt to grok their children, something that can be hard to do.  

Maybe, just maybe we should contemplate the value of grokking. As classic books are slowly being banned or just no longer taught in public schools, as a former high school English teacher, I am concerned that abstract concepts, such as grokking, may no longer be explored in classrooms. Let's face it: we need to remember and live sympathy and empathy, their definitions, as true understanding comes from them. Although it has merits, technology can also have its drawbacks, especially as it has drawn us more and more into ourselves. What we really need to do is walk out of our shoes and step into those of others. To grok is to be profoundly human. Which might have been what Heinlein had in mind for his novel's paradoxical theme. Smith has to lose his humanity in a strange land in order to regain it by interfacing with nonhuman, Martian strangers.  

Hopefully, we won't have to travel to Mars and back to learn that grokking is something we should all find time to do.

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The Gospel Truth of "Barbie"

 

gospel truth - noun - something that is absolutely true (Google).

It's a challenge to find truth these days, especially gospel truth, since so many prefer to live inside of lies. Let's face it. It tends to be safer to deceive the self. However, every once in a while, there comes a social phenomenon that speaks veracity albeit in a roundabout way, and audiences take notice. Take the recent billion-dollar-grossing, movie-hit "Barbie," which uses innocence to underscore guilt in our society. As good satire purports to do, it quietly exposes human flaws between the breaths viewers take to recover from bouts of laughter. 

What "Barbie" does well is return to the war between the sexes. In brilliant, pastel, technicolor "Barbie Land," the film's first setting, viewers see hordes of Barbies of all shapes, sizes, colors, etc. as happy, healthy, successful, prosperous, intelligent, whereas they see the Kens existing as obscure objects who have little identity and virtually nothing to do but "beach," or stand around and look pretty on sand. Of course, the depiction is a magnification of a world in which women rule. Yet once Ken gets a taste of the real world of L.A., thanks to Barbie who needs to return there to save herself and the other Barbies, he joyfully uncovers the opposite of Barbie Land in that the patriarchy or his male people rule. Soon, he returns to "Barbie Land" intent on making a change for what he feels is the better. The transformation he poses amounts to "Kendom," a land wherein men can be their stereotypical, self-possessed selves and Barbies are reduced to "long term, long distance, low commitment, casual girlfriends." Ugh! (Did this phrase ring true, especially for me as my relationship with my own long-term, long-distant L.A. guy is perhaps a living example of Ken's false ideal.)

If "Barbie" does shine a flashlight on the gospel truth about relationships between women and men, we are in trouble. Lurking beneath the skin of this heavily made-up satire is the realization that we need to look closely at how we treat each other and what our priorities actually are. In both Barbie Land and Kendom, the self (or just which sex is more deserving to reign) seems to take precedence over other selves (humans sans labels), so much so that there isn't enough time to give to worthwhile pursuits, such as unselfish, loving relationships. In life, our undying quest for identifying labels, meaningful, lucrative work, and effective technology consumes us, eventually making us anxious and/or depressed, another truth that the movie exposes in one scene via the innocuous play of human eight-year-old girls. As we watch and listen to "Barbie," we guffaw at the exaggeration of the fictive aspects, but when we leave the theater, we realize the themes that the film presents really aren't anything to laugh about. As they say, "The truth hurts."

On the other hand, the positive takeaway is that there is hope: hope that the millions of audience members who have seen the movie at least once, if not more, won't accept the movie at face value. "Barbie" is eons away from a kids' movie. So if you haven't seen it, please do. It might change something about your own life. 

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The Imprimatur, ADD, and the "Talkaholic"

 

imprimatur - noun - a person's acceptance or guarantee that something is of a good standard (Google).

The other day, I came across this word in a somewhat facetious text message that a fellow member of my book club had sent to the group. Apparently, her daughter issues the same imprimatur, "That's funny" to all examples of humor, no matter what. As I put down my iPhone, I asked myself this question: If someone uses the same catch phrase all the time in response to whatever, is the person truly listening? Did the person actually hear and comprehend what was just spoken? I would wager that the answer could be no. As I get older, I am realizing that listening to others can be a behemoth task, especially if the diagnosis is ADD and the speakers provide TMI, too much information, but not the salacious kind.

ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder, can affect not only children but adults, too. Mine comes and goes, which makes me think that what I have is voluntary ADD as opposed to involuntary. Simply put, I select what I want to hear and disregard the rest. Like a kindergartener, my attention span is limited. It has been said that small children can only concentrate for a sustained period of about 25 minutes. I think I can only focus on what is being told to me for only five minutes, but it varies depending on the speaker and the content. 

I have found that I have little patience for "talkaholics," communicators who jabber interminably sans  breaths at points of punctuation. If there are indeed any end points, these folks make it impossible to tell. Oddly enough, I know more garrulous men than women, and they tend to be bachelors. Which isn't surprising. People who live alone can be lonely. When placed in social situations, they overreact/overcompensate in a sense, becoming grand mal communicators at the expense of their listeners. At present, I am trying to avoid a new male friend, who talks so incessantly about himself that I can't get a word in edgewise. It's frustrating as I find that I am forced to step on his words just to participate in the conversation. It feels like being on the losing end of a tug-a-war rope.

If you are open to it, here is some practical advice from a former Public Speaking teacher (i.e. me): 

If you are self-aware, most likely you already know whether or not you are a talkaholic. Unfortunately, there isn't an AA equivalent for those afflicted with this malady. Whatever or whoever you are, just be cognizant that your receivers can be suffering from ADD. Limit what you have to say so that there is genuine give and take. Without the interplay, there is really no conversation, just a monologue or soliloquy that perhaps belongs on a stage rather than in two-way communication. 

Considering the state of affairs nationally and internationally these days, there is a lot to talk about. I will issue an imprimatur of excellence (A+) to those who can step up and step back to allow for a balanced, equitable conversation. 

Thanks for "listening." 

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