Love as a Construct

 

construct-noun-an idea or theory containing various conceptual elements, typically one considered to be subjective and not based on empirical evidence (Google).

Since I wrote the last installment of "Word to Words," I have been doing a lot of research regarding love. Uber intelligent, Mr. L.A. who is still in the picture (my choice) feels love is a construct, and it is. It has always intrigued me that one word, in this case, love, could inspire so many different definitions from people especially since I've always considered its meaning to be fairly easy to pinpoint. Years ago when I taught Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet to my ninth-grade English classes, I had my students define love, the tragedy's theme, one at a time. All of their definitions seemed to point to a degree of caring. 

To broaden my horizons, I went to the Internet and found some fascinating articles. One that I can no longer find features an interview with a number of individuals whose ages remain a mystery. The control group was asked to define love in five words. The one construct that has stayed with me is "Having sex with a friend." If Mr. L.A. were to concur with this pithy explanation, he'd be able to admit that he loves me, hands down. However, the most accurate definition of love, I think, comes ironically from a piece published by Cosmopolitan. Their definition was similar to that of my former students: "The act of caring and giving to someone else is love." It is also "having someone's best interest and wellbeing as a priority. Loving someone is about accepting them for who they are – even the things you don't like about them." 

Hmmm. True. Unselfishness is key. I also think the concept of acceptance, something that is not a construct, is probably one of the most important ingredients when it comes down to defining love. Most of us walk into romantic relationships with high expectations. When we notice something we don't like, usually two or three years into the union or much sooner, we ask the other person to change. If the person doesn't want to, we head toward the door. Often this occurs sometime after we have already declared our love for the person. If love were real in the first place, it would know not to be so capricious. But human beings are, so our love is. It is what it is.

Curiously, Mr. L.A. now admits that he really does care for me, but I suppose "I care for you" and "I love you" aren't entirely interchangeable to him. Still, I'll cut him a break. So I texted him I am willing to let him love me the way he wants to. Naturally, I'll do the same for him.  When it comes to my long-distance, whatever it is with L.A. man, I am willing to compromise because the guy is pretty much everything I've ever wanted in the shape of a male human. Even though it has only been three days, so far, the trade-off is working.  

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