Love as a Construct

 

construct-noun-an idea or theory containing various conceptual elements, typically one considered to be subjective and not based on empirical evidence (Google).

Since I wrote the last installment of "Word to Words," I have been doing a lot of research regarding love. Uber intelligent, Mr. L.A. who is still in the picture (my choice) feels love is a construct, and it is. It has always intrigued me that one word, in this case, love, could inspire so many different definitions from people especially since I've always considered its meaning to be fairly easy to pinpoint. Years ago when I taught Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet to my ninth-grade English classes, I had my students define love, the tragedy's theme, one at a time. All of their definitions seemed to point to a degree of caring. 

To broaden my horizons, I went to the Internet and found some fascinating articles. One that I can no longer find features an interview with a number of individuals whose ages remain a mystery. The control group was asked to define love in five words. The one construct that has stayed with me is "Having sex with a friend." If Mr. L.A. were to concur with this pithy explanation, he'd be able to admit that he loves me, hands down. However, the most accurate definition of love, I think, comes ironically from a piece published by Cosmopolitan. Their definition was similar to that of my former students: "The act of caring and giving to someone else is love." It is also "having someone's best interest and wellbeing as a priority. Loving someone is about accepting them for who they are – even the things you don't like about them." 

Hmmm. True. Unselfishness is key. I also think the concept of acceptance, something that is not a construct, is probably one of the most important ingredients when it comes down to defining love. Most of us walk into romantic relationships with high expectations. When we notice something we don't like, usually two or three years into the union or much sooner, we ask the other person to change. If the person doesn't want to, we head toward the door. Often this occurs sometime after we have already declared our love for the person. If love were real in the first place, it would know not to be so capricious. But human beings are, so our love is. It is what it is.

Curiously, Mr. L.A. now admits that he really does care for me, but I suppose "I care for you" and "I love you" aren't entirely interchangeable to him. Still, I'll cut him a break. So I texted him I am willing to let him love me the way he wants to. Naturally, I'll do the same for him.  When it comes to my long-distance, whatever it is with L.A. man, I am willing to compromise because the guy is pretty much everything I've ever wanted in the shape of a male human. Even though it has only been three days, so far, the trade-off is working.  

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True Love that Transcends All Boundaries

 

“True love is a unique and passionate bond that wants the best for the other person regardless of what that means for them. It is the foundation for a healthy, loving relationship. True love is authentic and genuine.” (Google)

Yesterday the man in L.A., formerly known as my man in L.A., sent me a dozen orange-red roses for what I truly do not know, and apparently neither did he since according to him, there were no genuine feelings attached. According to him, these past three and a half years of my flying back-and-forth have led merely to "true like" on his part since according to him, real love is a bond, a commitment, and geographical distance serves to stand in the way of both. But does it really? Whatever happened to the validity of "Love knows no boundaries" because it doesn't, not one. Throughout history, paramours have been separated by thousands of miles, war, famine, pestilence, anything else you can think of, yet the love they possessed for each other survived even if they didn't. (Whatever happened to people like this?)

The most important part of the definition above that the man from L.A. conveniently forgot is the unselfish part: wanting the best for the other person regardless of what that means for him. This part transcends the ordinary. This part has the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound. This part has the ability to nullify the presence of three thousand miles of separation. And it is the thought that I am leaving you with to contemplate since I know he won't be reading it.

In this resplendent season of love, let us remember to love each other well regardless of what may stand between us: politics, religion, geography, culture, traditions, etc. One of the most spiritual musicians ever to walk the planet, George Harrison, who celebrated a death date a few days ago, was a seer when it came to matters regarding the heart. The proof is in "Isn't It a Pity": “Isn’t it a pity; isn’t it a shame/How we break each other’s hearts, cause each other pain/How we take each other’s love without thinking anymore, forgetting to give back, isn’t it a pity/Some things take so long/But how do I explain/When not too many people can see we’re all the same/And because of all their tears/Their eyes can’t hope to see/The beauty that surrounds them/Isn’t it a pity.” 

I can think of no better words to end this final Word-to-Words entry of 2022. May it bring new beginnings and much requited love to you and yours in 2023.

Happy Holidays!!!!!

With love,

Gwyn

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The Season of the Martyr

 

martyr - noun. someone who suffers (usually persecution and death) for advocating, renouncing, or refusing to renounce or advocate, a religious belief or other cause as demanded by an external party (Wikipedia). 

December can be perceived as the season of the martyr in the actual but also metaphorical sense. Although historians agree that Jesus Christ, a prime example of self-sacrifice, was born in the spring, December 25th has been designated as his birthday, a.k.a. Christmas, a holiday that tends to motivate all, even unbelievers, either to take or to give or perhaps a little of both. Because most lean toward generosity, there are so many individuals and organizations representing charitable causes who advocate for them all at once, making it impossible for the ordinary income to fill all of their outreached hands. Even my agent, who funnels talent into safe houses, prisons, detention centers, nursing homes, etc. for the sake of pacifying the troubled through music, is asking musicians whom she remunerates to give back some of what she rewards to keep the programs afloat–although personally, if you have any common sense at all, you'd see that the tree she is barking up is not the right one at all.

But what about the person who is martyred authentically all year round on behalf of humanity?  The physician who won't cut back on his/her hours; the teacher who jumps over high hoops for her/his students and parents; the psychotherapist who must listen to, digest, and ameliorate emotional outbursts from his/her clients. Lately, the man who is in the position of holding my heart in his hands is the latter example. 

Just before Thanksgiving, I flew nearly 3,000 miles to spend six days with my beloved, respected martyr, who has chosen to be Christ-like professionally, who has chosen to put his own sanity on the line for the sake of others' psychological salvation. What did I learn from being by his side? I learned that you can't choose to go the distance in an altruistic occupation without the road rising up and hitting you in the face. "No good deed goes unpunished." Due to over twenty years of playing the role of therapist very, very well, he has endured subconscious damage (that haunts him via his dreams) on behalf of others, which he may or may not be aware of. Ultimately, to him, it doesn't matter one way or the other as his quest is immutable. Like Christ, he'll persist until the end as he is defined by the mission: to heal the scars of the mentally marred. 

At this time of year, it is important to recognize all of the givers of what cannot be bought, all of those martyrs who transcend the ordinary for unselfish reasons. Seasons come and go, yet like angels, these people persist. They aren't the biblical angels that are illuminated in white light, but the actual angels that blend into darkness. You might not be able to discern them readily, but you might thank God they are around if not for you personally, but for those in substantive need.  

#word-to-words, #slice-of-life, #literature, #blog, #blogging, #religion, #editorial, #reading, #vocabulary, #history, #ReadersMagnet, #spilled thoughts, #good advice, #personal-essay, #writing community, #writing