Doppelganger from Another Generation

 

doppelganger - noun - biologically unrelated lookalike or a double of a living person (Google)

Admittedly, I haven't been reminded of or contemplated the word doppelganger (sorry about the lack of an umlaut over the "a"–my computer doesn't know German) since I taught Mary Shelley's Frankenstein to my eleventh-grade Brit lit students, seemingly eons ago albeit it was just P.P. (pre-pandemic) as opposed to Po.P. (post-pandemic). Protagonist Frankenstein's creation, the monster, was not so much the science student's double but a paranormal phenomenon (an extension of the denotation). But I digress.

In reality, we've all encountered lookalikes or near lookalikes here, there, and everywhere, people who remind us of others. Generally, we acknowledge them casually with an exhalation of brevity, a comment, "He looks so much like so-and-so," and then move on to inhale the next face sans a second thought. But what if we were to see an overly familiar face–an exact duplicate of a face we knew decades ago–a face that might evoke bittersweet memories that catapult us back in time to relive them? 

I had this experience last weekend while attending a wedding reception in the mountains of Big Sky, Montana, meaning in the middle of nowhere. The trumpet player in the band was the doppelganger—a near double of my high school sweetheart, a pianist, my first bonafide love and first bonafide heartbreak as he wound up leaving me (I wanted to wed the cheater) for his college girlfriend to whom he is still married at present. Because everyone, including me, thought her my lesser, it took my severely wounded ego years to heal. I felt I could never forgive him for leaving me for someone not nearly as perfect for him as I. 

Oddly enough, the trumpet player's look and overall dress (so much like my ex's), didn't remind me of the pain of loss. It did the opposite: all I could recall was the beauty of the relationship, one flashback after the next. The pleasant reverie accompanied by a soundtrack of Macie Gray must have provoked a smile as during a pause in his playing, the trumpet player caught my expression and smiled back, my love's smile, the one I had experienced on a daily basis 45 years ago. It was at this instant that I knew that somewhere down the queue of years, I must have forgiven him in earnest–the unforgivable one who had slashed my heart with a stiletto, the one who had married a woman who was and still is just right for him after all. 

The takeaway? Like in my case, sooner or later, something or someone–perhaps a doppelganger–will enter your life unexpectedly and reel you backwards in time. Your nostalgic sensibilities will click in, and you will be taken on a carnival ride that may shake you up into believing you have a long-term memory for a reason: to treasure the past moments that left you breathless with joy, not disappointment or resentment. 

Forgiveness: Wow! What a concept :) !  

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