friend - noun - a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, exclusive of sexual or family relations (Google)
therapist - noun - a person skilled (educated) in a particular kind of therapy (Google)
“A good friend will stab you in the front, not the back.” -unknown
The following is sound advice for those of you who are in emotional pain of any kind and feel as though friends may be more helpful than a trained therapist.
(F.Y.I. Legitimizing my thoughts on this subject are two college courses in psychology, much independent reading, plenty of life experience, conferences with four therapists, one being a man friend who is a top psycho-analyst recommended by Psychology Today.)
A good friend like a good therapist is most beneficial when direct and honest. He or she will stab you in the front. You don’t need someone who will “yes,” you, agree with everything you say just for the sake of appeasing your impressionable ego (or just for the sake of shutting you down). Although he or she may provide a panacea for your pain in the moment, in the long run, the “yes” man or woman is not your actual friend.
On the other hand, if the good friend is too honest or too direct, he or she runs the risk of being misunderstood, being labeled an insensitive, opinionated “know-it-all” when he or she is just trying to light a match in the darkness. Many friendships have dissolved due to conflicts arising from misinterpretation or hypersensitivity.
An effective way to avoid the aforementioned is to enlist a professional. If you have a problem that plagues you over time (years, I am talking), you can’t expect to rely on a trusted friend to be there for you through it all, especially not on a daily basis. Because this person is NOT a trained therapist, he or she will reach his or her emotional limit (true friends are empathetic) and will most likely pull away, especially as the relationship has become dangerously one sided in your favor. (“Misery loves company,” but only for so long.) Once he or she exits, you will feel as though he or she has deserted you; and chances are, you will find yourself sans a valuable loyal friend. (Buddhists, very practical people, know not to share their pain with others for a good reason, so they meditate instead, a solid alternative to friends and therapists, and much safer and cheaper.)
The takeaway: If you can’t see yourself conferring with a Buddhist monk, choose a good therapist over a good friend, especially if you are experiencing signs of depression (persistent feelings of sadness over time) or obsession/preoccupation (the memory of the person who has harmed you haunts your conscious and subconscious mind). Choose a male therapist if your emotional assailant is a man; choose a female if it is a woman. The reason why gender is important here is that men intrinsically understand each other. A man would be able to enlighten you as to common male foibles (or just why your man did what he did), whereas a woman would just rely on textbook knowledge, which can be limited. She would probably side with you, too, because she wants you to return, and that’s not what you need because most likely, you have already been on your side all along, meaning you know what you did right. What you need to know is what you did wrong so that you don’t continue to make the same mistakes in the future, or you can just forgive the person who put the pin in your party balloon and begin to trust again sans resentment.
Good luck, my friends. The road forward from loss is not meant to be freshly paved.
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