Labels of Distinction

 

misandrist - noun - a person who dislikes, despises, or is prejudiced against men.

Admittedly, I am not fond of labels, distinct or indistinct, albeit today, most, particularly those in marginalized groups, seem to be. Categories or nomenclature permits people specifically to find their place and define themselves and other entities, nouns: persons, places, things, concepts, creatures. When it comes to differentiating among humans, the labels range from the positive ("gay") to the negative ("bipolar"), distinguishing everything from sexuality to mental state. Obviously, labels are nothing new. Human beings have been using them to classify for thousands of years. As our intelligence has expanded (or not), so has our ability to use words to put each other in boxes.

Case in point: Last Friday, I was fortunate enough to find myself at a party on Bertrand Island in the middle of Lake Hopatcong, bordered to the west (I think) by a hamlet known as Mount Arlington. On a annual basis, a dear friend of mine (once my bassist, now the mayor of the town) and his wife invite all of their friends to view the July 4th fireworks from the comfort of their porch, which just happens to be across from where the multicolored sparkle-booms are set off from a barge in the center of the lake. A few years ago, I just happened to date a character of a man, very similar to the fictive Jay Gatsby, but much more damaged, who rents a cottage (not unlike Nick Carraway's in Fitzgerald's prized novel) adjacent to the elite, antique yacht club (similar in look to the Buchanan's manse) across the street from my friends'. What is ironic here is that when I met the man on an internet dating service, I had no idea that he lived anywhere near my friends. Jay's wife, his former high-school sweetheart, had left him years ago, something he has never gotten past, enabling him to resort to extreme womanizing to eliminate the pain and avenge his shattered ego. 

The thing was, all of us at the gathering familiar with Jay and his exploits felt the need to define him more concisely and accurately and quickly decided on misogynist. In an effort to defend himself and other men who are genuinely chivalrous to women, one of the gentleman participating in the conversation asked if there was a term for women who detest men. No one, not even I, the English teacher, could think of it (which is definitely telling). I came up with misanthrope, someone who despises all people. (Believe me, I've tried on that label and found that it doesn't fit as well as Ralph Lauren :)). Out of impatience, we wound up taking to our phones to uncover just the right term: misandrist, close to misanthrope, but not quite. Notice that all three terms lacking in endearment begin with an "m," which is not a coincidence since the prefix "mis" means bad or wrong, and all three words have negative connotations and denotations. Eureka! We had found the right label of the moment.

Labeling is part of what we humans do quite naturally. Unfortunately by doing so, we will continue to separate as opposed to unify, but maybe the takeaway here is to remember that when we do assign labels that we assign them fairly and accurately. If we want to pigeonhole someone by assigning him or her a derogatory designation, we should have enough in the way of expertise and/or hard evidence to do so. The problem is that most of us rely more on opinions than facts (subjectivity as opposed to objectivity and I, for one, am among the guilty of doing just that). But perhaps I'll leave that subject to explored in yet another blog. To be continued...or not. 

#word-to-words, #spilled thoughts, #vocabulary, #good advice, #personal essay, #vocabulary