personality disorder - noun - type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern or thinking, functioning and behaving (Google).
I don't know about you, but I've always had an interest in psychology, perhaps even more so now that my current love interest is a psycho-therapist. Way before he and I reunited after forty years of being out of touch, I had attracted people, particularly men, suffering (albeit sans their knowledge) from a personality disorder, the most popular of which is narcissism. Apparently, individuals like myself who tend to be empathic, attractive and successful listeners are bloody bait for the sharks who feed off their willingness to accept them on any level. Surely everyone is a tad selfish, but the narcissist transcends ordinary selfishness; he or she is delusional, willing to fool the gullible and himself or herself into thinking his or her bad behavior (entitlement, anger, vindictiveness, manipulation, etc.) is warranted given the circumstances when it isn't. I'm sure that everyone of you has fallen victim to this sort of person at one time or another; and if you have, you probably already know that the best way to shut one down is just to say no and mean it. It definitely worked for me in the past since I was able to end two very lengthy, destructive love relationships with narcissists simply by being firm and unemotional. (If you fear that you might just be a narcissist, perhaps you might seriously consider therapy with an experienced professional. But if you are a true narcissist, you believe that you are just fine and don't need it in which case, you may be a lost cause. Sorry about that. I can be as subtle as a train wreck, or so I've been told.)
Personality disorders I can understand because they can be diagnosed, analyzed and dealt with in one way or another, but a foible of human nature isn't as comprehensible. Case in point: years ago, as a student of German, my sister lived with a family in Heilbronn, Germany for the summer. She hit it off big with the entire clan and has remained close friends with the last remaining until the present. One summer, three of the four decided to visit, and we took them up to a resort hotel in New York State that resembles a German castle. Needless to say, they felt very much at home. What struck me as ironic, though, was that the father, Vater, had been a member of the Hitler Youth organization and fought valiantly on the side of the Third Reich during World War II. My father, who had been a private in the U.S. Army infantry, naturally fought against Vater in the early 1940s. In short, at one time, they had been mortal enemies. Yet here they were some thirty years later, chatting, joking, sharing war stories as if they had been close cronies for decades. Proudly and unabashedly, Vater was revealing his multiple bullet wounds, which my father, in theory, could have given him. The question remains: How can people aim to shoot and kill each other in one moment and then (after some time) become bosom buddies in the next? This sort of diametrical "change of heart" has nothing to do with a personality disorder; contrarily, it is accepted as part of life. "All is fair in love and war" or "Time heals all wounds." But it is something I will never be able to fathom as to me, it defies common sense. Yet so does the concept of war itself.
Let's face it: the complexities of human beings are not easy to penetrate and apprehend. We are part and parcel of this mysterious existence that seems to depend on dualities, contradictions that are reflected and exemplified before us on a daily basis. The psychology of us may even be the greatest paradox yet.
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