A Legacy of Poor Parenting

 

onanism - noun - masturbation

For whatever unbeknown reason, a topical subject of late has been poor parenting, and I confess that I haven't been solely responsible for broaching it. As cosmic irony would have it, in the midst of all the talk, I just happened to choose Phillip Roth's Portnoy's Complaint on advice from a trusted friend for next month's Book Club selection. The creative work of fiction in its entirely is pretty much an altruistic Jewish man's rant to his psychiatrist about how his inept, verbally abusive parents, particularly his schizoid mother, have driven him to onanism and other perverse attempts at escaping whatever guilt they have managed to conjure up in him throughout his life. Needless to say, the novel isn't an easy read, particularly because it is veracious. Because it is veracious, it can be humorous at times, most likely since all of us, no matter how old we are, have at one time or another blamed our parents for our own inadequacies. 

The other day as my daughter and I were on our way to the local park "to shoot some hoops," she mentioned that her best friend, who dates back to kindergarten, said that she never felt that her parents truly loved her unconditionally–her therapist agrees–and consequently censures them for her propensity to bed down with just about any man who looks her way. Admittedly, I once suffered from a similar sense of insecurity most likely brought on by my parents who really didn't have a passion, not so much for me, but the concept of parenthood. The difference between my daughter's friend and me is that I don't consciously inculpate my parents for any idiosyncrasies that I might have developed over the years. Conversely, I think I turned out quite well, but my success has had little to do with my parents. If in the course of my youth, they made me feel unloved, I found love elsewhere, not in the arms of fatuous adolescent boys (although there was one or maybe two of them), but on the stage. OK, it did help that I had the talent to motivate audiences to rise up into ovations, yet no one needs to be gifted creatively to find outlets of love. What my daughter's friend has to do to compensate for her parents' foibles is not to surf Bumble, but to help others in need as a volunteer. Most likely, if she aids them, she'll feel loved, or at least, appreciated. And isn't appreciation a kind of love? 

I will say that as a parent myself, I have tried to rise above my own parents' shortcomings (and most of us do), yet at the same time, have sought to find balance sans overcompensation. Which is quite a tightrope to walk.

If you are not a parent, but are thinking of becoming one, please remember that it is not easy. You may find that parenting will be the most difficult task you have ever tackled, no matter how difficult your current occupation may be. It is important to note that self-sacrifice is an essential ingredient to good parenting. If you are not willing to sideline some of your own wants and needs to satisfy a much smaller family member's on a full-time basis, parenthood is not for you. And that's okay because you should never feel as though you have to procreate just because everyone else is. People who become parents sans having their hearts in the right place only wind up creating a legacy of poor parenting. And who wants to fail at something so significant? 

#word of the day, #vocabulary, #writers, #writers and poets, #words, #inspiration, #optimism, #inspiring words, #humor, #spilled thoughts, #motivation, #inspirational thoughts, #inspiration, #inspirational words, #words of wisdom, #affirmation, #optimism, #poets and writers, #writers community, #writers, #readers #writing

All of the What-If's

 

mucilaginous - adjective - having a viscous or gelatinous consistency

Admittedly, when I think of all of the what-if's and the would've-could've-should've's I have imagined at one time or another in my life, my brain melts into mucilaginous matter. As they say, "Hindsight is 20/20." Unfortunately, one can't go back and change things once the damage is done; ergo, thinking along the hypothetical lines is probably not healthy. On the other hand, when it comes to politics, perhaps it is necessary to enter the realm of the what-if, if only for preventative reasons. 

Case in point: At present, I am devouring Phillip Roth's 2004 novel The Plot Against America, which was aptly made into an HBO mini-series during the Trump administration for obvious reasons that I won't spell out since this blog is supposed to be apolitical and approved for all audiences regardless of their political persuasions albeit I am stepping aside from that momentarily. Please forgive me, but it is important. Roth's ingenious work of historical fiction digests the what-if scenario whole by modifying history, replacing the Democrat, New Deal hero FDR with another hero, aviator Republican Charles Lindbergh in the White House of the early 1940s–a solid, credible choice since Lindbergh was a known Nazi sympathizer in reality. Roth's first-person narrator is a nine-year-old version of himself, growing up Jewish in Newark, New Jersey, not too far away from where I reside at present. Flawlessly, fellow Bucknell alum author Roth, a Pulitzer prize winner, combines the actual and the hypothetical, the results of which are stunning, if not downright frightening. In the novel, Lindbergh as president consorts with Hitler to contain the American Jewish population. I can't spoil the ending here because I haven't finished the book. But the direction it is about to take is definitely not favorable. If you have the time, please read this book since it might just alter how you perceive present-day politics as it shows what could happen if the wrong person were to be voted into office.

A dear friend's mother who survived the Holocaust once said, "Don't think that it cannot happen here." As woke as we may think we are, there are still anti-Semites among us, not to mention racists, white supremacists, general haters, etc., and they tend to find the right politicians who support their causes. I suppose what we, the ethically and morally upright, have to do is be more alert, keep our minds from transitioning into the mucilaginous by ferreting out the facts from the fiction when it comes to politicians and the media outlets that represent them. This, of course, is not easy, but essential if we don't wish to fall into the world of would've, could've, should've after it is too late to make changes. I don't know about you, but I don't want to view Roth's masterpiece of tension as foreshadowing, a harbinger of something ugly to come. I'd like to consider it just another literary what-if, fiction for fiction's sake. 

#word of the day, #vocabulary, #writers, #writers and poets, #words, #inspiration, #optimism, #inspiring words, #humor, #spilled thoughts, #motivation, #inspirational thoughts, #inspiration, #inspirational words, #words of wisdom, #affirmation, #optimism, #poets and writers, #writers community, #writers, #readers #writing

A Modern Day Machiavelli

Machiavellianism - noun - personality trait characterized by use of deceit, cunningness, a cynical view of human nature, and lack of morality (frontierin.org).

I often wonder whether or not the competition inherit in capitalism is a causative factor of Machiavellianism in anyone pursuing the gold ring on the carousel, the realm of business. The psychological malady has its eponymous origins in 16th century Italy with Niccolo Machiavelli, a philosopher, statesman, and author of The Prince, the content of which led his readers to view him as an atheist and immoral cynic (britannica.com). Needless to say, he probably would have had more friends and followers had he been born in the early 1960s and published in this century. I say that because sometimes I think I am surrounded by Machiavellians. 

Case in point: Last Sunday, I attended an intimate Super Bowl party hosted by two of my closest friends, two successful entrepreneurs that have sustained various enterprises, including a marriage for over forty years. To accompany me and my daughter, I decided to invite along an ex-boyfriend of mine, who has been struggling to find a job in recruiting for six years. Since the my entrepreneurial friends are both recruiters, I figured they wouldn't mind throwing my ex a bone in the form of a business connection, or at least, some solid, practical advice. I never suspected that one of the two, a woman whom I have known since we were both in the fifth grade, would transmogrify instantly into a modern day Machiavelli, and neither did my ex. Insidiously, practically off the cuff, she devised a plan that included a revised resume of forged experience. In short, she proffered my ex use of her company as a legitimate place of employment even though he has no knowledge of platforms they use or anything else that a prospective employer might ask him to relate the minutiae of in an interview. If the prospective employer reached out to my friend during the course of a background check, she would be complicit with her husband in mendacity, and he would most likely get a job offer.  My ex, who is on the smart, yet moral side, declined the offer, knowing full well that a machiavellian plot like this would most likely backfire as the employer would most likely delve further into tax records, etc. Consequently, the lie would be uncovered, and he would be blackballed in the industry. His attempts at finding gainful employment would be stultified. 

Of course, I am not naive in that I know that the aforementioned kind of thing happens all of the time in business. Sadly, it is almost the way of the world–cynical, immoral people cheating and rationalizing it just to obtain what they want or need in less time than it takes to travel the legitimate route. I suggested to my ex yesterday that he ask my friend to employ him part time just so that he could legitimize including the experience on his resume. Since my machiavellian friend is often consumed with her own work, she might just need a sidekick to lighten her burden. And I am hoping she'll agree to the idea, which I'll admit is a good one. Yet even if she does, she won't automatically kick off Machiavelli's comfortable, Italian leather shoes simply because they are, after all, comfortable–perhaps too much so. It might take her getting caught red handed in a scam to remind her that the Machiavellian way isn't the correct one even though it might just be a time-honored tradition inside the steel and glass of capitalism. 

Still, I'd like to think the ancient proverb "Cheaters never prosper" applies.

#word of the day, #vocabulary, #writers, #writers and poets, #words, #inspiration, #optimism, #inspiring words, #humor, #spilled thoughts, #motivation, #inspirational thoughts, #inspiration, #inspirational words, #words of wisdom, #affirmation, #optimism, #poets and writers, #writers community, #writers, #readers #writing

Cherishing Valentine's Day

 

cherish - verb - to hold someone or something dear; to protect, care for lovingly (Google)

Valentine's Day is one of the "holidays" that as a mature adult, I cherish and look forward to every year regardless of whether or not I am in a romantic relationship. The cynical critics–and there are always cynical critics–claim it is a chance for companies like Hallmark to meet their annual quotas. But many of the Debbie-downer detractors are either ignorant of the occasion's historical connections, have never been in love, or just got divorced. (Perhaps all three? Yikes. I cringe to think about it.)  

Apparently, according to legend and goodhousekeeping.com, there were two Roman men by the name of Valentine. One went around freeing imprisoned Christians (He is the one who ostensibly came up with the idea of sending cards.), and the other was a favorite priest in the third century who rebelled against a government that purported to prevent young men from marriage in order to keep the military strong. Someone who cherished the idea of adoration, Valentine, most likely the saint, illegally married couples, and consequently was apprehended and sentenced to death for his altruism. The theme sentence for this story? "No good deed goes unpunished."

Interestingly enough, February 14th first became directly associated with love in the 1300s. The English and French mutually believed that birds began their mating season on the actual day. Oh, those love birds! Englishmen tend to refer to their girlfriends as "birds" (at least they used to), which might have something to do with this bit of trivia as well, but don't quote me on it. 

Why Valentine's Day has never been designated a national holiday in my opinion is unfathomable. Obviously, I am a romantic and feel as though love is an abstraction that should be valued more highly than let's say George Washington's and Abraham Lincoln's birthdays since both men would have probably had a worse time of it had it not been for the love of their wives. But I can't complain, especially since the sales at Macy's alone on Presidents' Day are worthy of a day off from work. 

What most of us who are in love with love agree on is that love shouldn't need a particular day for reasons of commemoration. Love should be first on everyone's list every day of the year. 

Happy Valentine's Day to all! 

oxoxox

#word of the day, #vocabulary, #writers, #writers and poets, #words, #inspiration, #optimism, #inspiring words, #humor, #spilled thoughts, #motivation, #inspirational thoughts, #inspiration, #inspirational words, #words of wisdom, #affirmation, #optimism, #poets and writers, #writers community, #writers, #readers #writing

"The Emperor's New Clothes" and Popular Music

 

folktale - noun - a story originating in popular culture, passed on by word of mouth (Google).

One of my favorite didactic folktales is "The Emperor's New Clothes" written by the iconic, great Dane Hans Christian Andersen in 1837 (Google). Just in case you don't remember hearing it in elementary school, the plot involves a vain emperor who encounters thieves posing as weavers who create for him expensive, new clothing that only the most intelligent can see. As the emperor doesn't want to be labeled as stupid, he pretends to see garments that do not exist. And he actually pays for them. When he winds up parading sans any clothing at all before the plebeians, all are afraid to admit he is nude as none wants to be considered obtuse. A young, observant child, sans any degree of pride or deception, standing on the sidelines outs the Emperor by revealing the naked truth. Of course, there is a moral: Don't let yourself get in the path of veracity. 

I have been thinking a lot about this story lately, especially as it pertains to the music industry. Since I, one of the thousands of singer-songwriters out there, have original tunes circulating on social media and on every other platform you can think of, I have to spend time promoting my compositions daily; otherwise, they would simply get lost in the vastness, the some twenty to sixty thousand other songs released per day. Which is an exorbitant, mind-numbing amount. Yet it has been noted that numbers don't matter because ultimately the inspired compositions rise to the top. Yet do they?

From my perspective, the "original" melodies are left at the bottom of the colander after the others sift through myriad holes and get washed down the drain. Yet is different considered quality? Are we adults on the sidelines of the parade imagining fine silk on performers who are actually stark naked? Given defined, accepted standards of theory, how many of these flash-in-the-pan artists are actually gifted musically? Virtually none. And it doesn't matter because ignorance is bliss. Most of us are willing to sacrifice what we may know to be exceptional for groundbreaking. And groundbreaking can very well be garbage. Yet we blindly embrace the territory, the entire dump, even the vocalists, the singer-songwriters whose voices crack off pitch or who can barely hit the notes at all even if there are only three of them. We forgo the nakedness of our celebrity emperors musically and reach into the lyrics, finding something to relate to, and come to the conclusion that the entire experience is relatable: the singer sounds no better than we do when we struggle to sing a tune in the shower, her/his words are the same that we spoke to a lover who had one foot out of the door five years ago. Because of the uncanny commonalities, we start to see ourselves on the float next to the disrobed Emperor, as celebrated as he, waving at the children who brazenly stuff their fingers into their ears when they hear the Emperor lip sync his hit pop release to enhance the visual.  

On the flip side, it's all good. It's all good because it is where we are right now: in a very strange place that is lightyears away from my favorite musical time period, the 1960s, when musical prowess and uniqueness went hand in hand, and one didn't have to be sacrificed for the other. I'm hoping that someday, we will stand among the children, and unbiased, educated clarity will once again be ours. The pop music that we prize will be sung on pitch by vocalists with three-octave ranges, and the sheet music will include more than three chords. 

#word of the day, #vocabulary, #writers, #writers and poets, #words, #inspiration, #optimism, #inspiring words, #humor, #spilled thoughts, #motivation, #inspirational thoughts, #inspiration, #inspirational words, #words of wisdom, #affirmation, #optimism, #poets and writers, #writers community, #writers, #readers #writing

Polymorphous Perversion, Pedophilia and Polygamy within Cultures

 

polymorphously perverse - adjective - generalized sexual desire that can be excited and gratified in many ways, typical in young children, but unusual in adults (Google). 

Ordinarily, I wouldn't touch on topics like the three (or four) P's as they aren't G or PG-rated. I like to remain free and clear from controversial subjects whenever possible. (The title is definitely an eye-catcher, though. Right?) However, this month's book club selection chosen by my friend, a working public school English teacher, is The Waiting Years by Japanese author Fumiko Enchi (Fumi Ueda). Written in 1957 and set in Japan in the late 19th century, the novel focuses on the wife of a political higher-up, an autocrat who forces her to scan the countryside for a nearly prepubescent concubine to appease his polymorphously perverse desires. After painstaking efforts to find just the right girl, the wife packs her up and returns to her home, gifting the perfect child to the husband, who delights in the finding, but merely tentatively. The new sex toy's youth and beauty are just not enough to satiate him; ergo, he continues to "buy" his way to sexual ecstasy, enlisting many more young, not quite nubile candidates openly via their parents' consent, only to frustrate his dutiful wife who refuses to divorce him. Apparently, this sort of thing went on in Japan during the time period, which, when you think about it, is intolerable, shocking. In order to save face superficially and hide what the community at large already knows and accepts, the despicable husband "adopts" the adolescents, referring to them as his "daughters," which, when push comes to shove, makes him not a polygamist, but an incestuous pedophile. Yikes. I can't spoil things and give you an idea of the outcome of all this because I am only half-way through the book. Sorry, but you are going to have to read it yourself. 

The Japanese culture is not alone in its salacious history. The ancient Greeks celebrated pedophilia, especially between young boys and men as proven by the remains of statues that graced public places. Fundamentalist Mormons in this country ostensibly practiced and still practice polygamy in the far corners of Utah although the modernists today frown upon it. You have to wonder what these and many other peoples could have been thinking when they decided this sort of thing was a-okay as opposed to morally reprehensible. Of course, the Seven Deadly Sins, particularly, greed for wealth and power definitely come into play, and men (not women) tended to be the guilty parties. If the shoe fits, wear it, guys. 

The good news, I suppose, is that Generation Z is apparently so caught up in technology that they aren't having sex–the good kind or the bad kind–at all. This, too, could prove problematic if you are a Millennial hoping to collect social security some day. The fewer gainfully employed humans, the fewer dollars there are in the communal pot. 

But let's get back to The Waiting Years for a moment. It is surely a book that a large percentage of the population in this country would love to ban and/or cancel for obvious reasons. Which is ironic because in the 1950s, a moral decade for the most part, the author won Japan's highest literary award, the Noma Prize. What I find to be fascinating is what comes down to cultural differences. Despite the fact that the world has shrunk due to technology, people still are divided culturally. We are the same, only different.

Life goes on.

#word of the day, #vocabulary, #writers, #writers and poets, #words, #inspiration, #optimism, #inspiring words, #humor, #spilled thoughts, #motivation, #inspirational thoughts, #inspiration, #inspirational words, #words of wisdom, #affirmation, #optimism, #poets and writers, #writers community, #writers, #readers #writing

In Flight

 

aeronautics - noun - the science or practice of travel through the air (Google).

I don't know about you, but I've never been afraid to fly, literally and figuratively. (Well, maybe I was in the figurative sense as a young person, but definitely not now :).) In the literal sense, I enjoy commercial aeronautics, but only if the designated carrier is on time and hassles on the ground and in the air are minimal. Admittedly, I have mustered the courage to travel through the air via unorthodox means, such as a hot-air balloon, parasail, stunt plane, zip line, and bi-plane, the latter being my favorite. There is something decidedly romantic about riding in a vibrating convertible with duel airfoil surfaces, 800 feet above ground. Skiing I also associate with flight as the sensations experienced are similar. Speed and airflow combine to make the daredevil on parallel boards feel as free as a bird or stunt pilot, especially if the skier is daring enough to tackle moguls, jumps, and terrain parks. I am not that person. Lately, though, the muscular pain that I feel when negotiating an elementary green or blue slope isn't all that freeing. I'll probably have to stick with bi-planes as I age. 

Figuratively, aeronautics has found a viable metaphor: sex. If you are old enough, you may remember Erica Jong's 1973 novel Fear of Flying, a controversial portrait of female sensuality that evolved into a bestseller. Which is not surprising. The protagonist, aptly and cutely named Zelda Wing, makes a conscious decision to cheat on her hubby while on a trip to Vienna, my idea of the most romantic European city. Although amoral to say the least, the book resonated with unliberated housewives who felt trapped in their day-to-day, unfulfilling existences married to martini-doused men like the perennial Ward Cleaver. Although I have never read the book myself, I wouldn't mind taking a step backwards to do so just to see if Jong's themes are still relevant. Since adultery has never quite gone out of style, I am certain the tome will seem like the timeless period piece that it is. Fear and flying, if nothing else, are still commonplace, so the title alone might be a draw if the book were purchased and positioned prominently in any bookshop's window today. If I were the owner of a bookstore, I would definitely go that distance since what's old is often new again. 

If little else, flying in any sense of the word is food for fantasy. According to dream interpretation, flying in your dreams is an auspicious omen: the quest for freedom, which makes sense. In the end, perhaps we humans are meant to embrace aeronautics in all of its various forms. Personally, if I were to be reincarnated as a duck, I'd be very content indeed.

#word of the day, #vocabulary, #writers, #writers and poets, #words, #inspiration, #optimism, #inspiring words, #humor, #spilled thoughts, #motivation, #inspirational thoughts, #inspiration, #inspirational words, #words of wisdom, #affirmation, #optimism, #poets and writers, #writers community, #writers, #readers #writing