J'e'conte: I Listen

 

j'e'conte (French) - verb - I listen

Although I never signed up for any French classes in high school, I have always liked the sound of French. To me, it possesses a musical, romantic quality that most other languages lack. Just about anything sounds better in French. In fact, thirty-one years ago come Thursday, when I was laboring with my daughter, the anesthesiologist du jour at the hospital just happened to be French. When I spied the foot-long needle he was about to use to inject the epidural anesthesia, I cried out, "Speak to me in French; just say anything as long as it is in French" because I knew it would calm me. He granted my request, and whatever he said in French truly helped me get through some painful moments.

But the language of French is not the focus of this blog entry. It's listening. Many have the ability to hear, but few actually listen. We are so consumed by our own comparatively minute problems, that we forget that others may just want and need for us to listen to them rather than ask them to listen to us. Therapists, like my main squeeze in L.A., are paid hundred of dollars an hour, mainly to listen to clients. Not a bad gig since I tend to do it all the time for free.

Last Thursday, I had lunch with a dear friend, who is blessed as she does not need to hold a regular job since her husband makes a boatload of money. Rather than lather herself in the amenities that wealth can provide, she volunteers her time generously by working for the rescue squad, her church, and the suicide hotline. Apparently, to commit suicide today is easier than ever, particularly for adolescents as there is a website that will enable them to go through a short list of steps that will put them on the stairway to Heaven. My friend and her colleagues are working diligently to prevent them or anyone else in the same position from getting there via their own means. In order to take calls, a volunteer has to go through months of training, most of which centers on what to say to these desperate people at the end of their proverbial ropes. Interested and plain curious, I asked her what she can and does say, and she replied, "Not much. Mostly, j'e'conte. I listen." Hmmm. "You mean you can't mention any of your own similar life experiences so that they feel as though they aren't alone in their emotions?" "No, the person on the other end has to be the focus. Which is why I listen." Although superficially, this might not make perfect sense, underneath the surface, it actually does. Most people contemplating suicide are doing so because they have no one willing to listen to them. When they finally find someone, a sounding board who will grant them thirty minutes, they feel much better and redirect their energies to something positive.

December is the season of giving and receiving. If you pride yourself on being a witty conversationalist who steals the spotlight and holds onto it, maybe it is time to allow the listener(s) to be the speaker(s). If you concentrate on what they tell you, you may just walk away with a gift that transcends anything that money can buy. 

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