Thank, Love, Hope: Action Verbs

 

verb - noun - a word used to describe an action, state, or occurrence, forming the main part of the predicate of a sentence. (Oxford Language)

It has been six years since I retired from teaching secondary English, and it's been longer than that since I was able to get away with teaching English grammar directly in a classroom because, well, um, frankly, it is no longer permitted–at least not in New Jersey. If you are a sensible, educated individual, you would see the irony in this immediately. All languages employ grammar as it is foundational. Which brings me to the part of speech known as the verb. As stated in the definition above, a verb at its absolute best describes an action. It is on this attribute (three examples) that I will concentrate.

Thank is a verb; besides being verbs, love and hope can also be nouns, concepts that can roll off the tongue quite easily and frequently do sans staying power. Often they don't mean a heck of a lot unless they make the transition into verbs. Actions, after all, do speak louder than words. Take verb number 1: thank. Thanking can be done quite physically if you extend a hand to do so. Since the paranoia over skin-to-skin contact during the pandemic dissipated a few years ago, every once in a while, you most likely encounter a person not traumatized enough from the past to offer a solid handshake as a sincere gesture of thanks. Thanksgiving, a day set aside each November (we just experienced it), motivates you and me to give thanks mainly by eating. (As proof of this phenomenon, my sister spent hers devouring turkey, a candied yam casserole, dinner roles, and pumpkin pie all by herself in Cracker Barrel.) If the spirit moves you, you can also downshift into the past and write an actual thank-you note to be delivered by a mail carrier via the U.S. post office or the like. Not many of you do this sort of thing anymore, though. Still, thanking as an action comes fairly naturally.

On the other hand, love and hope can be a bit tricky. Most of you are thinking that these two are abstract as opposed to concrete concepts. Can you touch love or hope? Are they solid entities? No, but they can be put into action that is quantifiable. If you are a Christian, you know that this is the season of Advent; you wait for the birth of the Savior. If you are Jewish, you celebrate Hanukkah, which involves light. Love and hope are attached to both practices, but many of you choose to confine love and hope to words and actions within your own four walls. 

Which is admirable, but this holiday season, I think you can do better than that. I think you can put love and hope into action outside of the confines of your family. I know I've been on your case before re: volunteering, but if you are interested, that's how you can truly show love and hope, demonstrating them as action verbs. Love in action begets hope. When you reach out to those less fortunate (an act of love) and you can see the difference you've made, you walk away feeling hopeful, like things are going to get better since you've made a genuine effort on behalf of complete strangers. 

As an example, today I volunteered to adopt a disadvantaged family. I am guessing that I'll have to spend a little bit of my savings investing in their Christmas. Since everyone I know, including Christ, has a birthday in December, I probably spend the most money on gifts this month. No matter. I'm going all out to go all in. Every cent spent on providing these people whom I don't even know vaguely with basic needs and wants (an act of love) will translate into hope, the hope that someday the family at a more prosperous time in their lives will be able to pay the deed forward, reminiscent of "Schindler's List." Acts of love are contagious and lead into hope, hope of a better tomorrow. If you and I and everyone else who are fortunate did this sort of thing, the world would be a much better place. 

Mere words when put into action provoke positive change. Instead of complaining about the status quo, do something about it. Act on love and hope. Everything is possible. (Report back to me by New Year's if you take my advice.)

#love #hope #holidays #blog #personal essay 

Choosing Joy Instead of Accepting the Fait Accompli

 

fait accompli - n - a thing that has already been decided before those affected hear about it, leaving them with no option but to accept it. (Oxford Language) 

To some, Thanksgiving might be an occasion that exemplifies fait accompli: their friends and/or family had made other dinner plans months before, deciding not to include them in the plans for one reason or another, leaving them no choice but to be left out of the mix. In other words as casualties of the holidays, many wind up winging Turkey Day alone, choosing to spend an hour or so at the local Cracker Barrel, pretending the sodium intake there will be equal to or better than a home-cooked Butterball. I have a relative who is this person. And what is worse is that her two adult sons have no problem with it, no doubt claiming that she made her own bed and now has to sleep in it. I'm alluding to the fact that this woman is a narcissist and has done a lot to isolate those whom she claims to love. Via her actions and their consequences, she often finds herself sans an invitation. This, I conclude, is due to choice.  

What she has forgotten to do is choose joy by way of inclusion or selfless generosity that is often seen at this time of year. If joy is hard to muster, create a valid scenario first before bathing in this mirthful pond. For example, rather than select the option of solo dining on near fast food on a major holiday focusing on sharing, share, not with the relatives who abandoned you, friends you haven't yet met. Go down to a local church and ask the minister if some of the parishioners plan to be by themselves and volunteer to host them. Buy what you will need to cook and serve an authentic Thanksgiving feast for them, or if you are on a budget, buy foods that are as rudimentary as possible. Just share the love via what you can afford.

As as example, I am reminded of one of my favorite filmic scenes, the closing sequence of Woody Allen's Broadway Danny Rose wherein he plays a luckless talent agent whose clients perform way-out, bizarre acts that are pretty much unmarketable. For Thanksgiving, he invites all of these outliers within society to his meager, New York apartment and serves them Swanson's turkey TV dinners on tray tables while they entertain each other by rehearsing their hopeless material. The movie's viewers sit somewhere between bitter and sweet as initially the scene is tragic in its destitute desperation yet gloriously uplifting as the celebrants are genuinely glad, grateful to be together partaking in what little Danny Rose can give them. Surely our narcissist could have made something like this happen in her world, but this is an image she would never be able to conjure up in her selfish mind deplete of true joy, the kind that you get from giving to strangers.

And isn't Thanksgiving just that? A means of thanking while giving? I suppose the narcissist would say that he or she feels as though he or she needs to be thanked, but since the person won't be, he or she will thank himself or herself while treating himself or herself to mass produced and served turkey or ham. I doubt anyone would describe this option as joyous. 

Father Greg Boyle, the founder of Homeboy Industries, an organization that aides gang members here in Los Angeles, wrote in his profoundly relevant book The Whole Language: "No matter what, choose joy." It is as simple as that. Choose joy and then go a step forward by paying it forward. There are so many ways you can reach out to people less fortunate than you are, particularly at this time of year. 

Enough said. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, readers! Thank you for bothering to visit this blog when you have millions of other choices.

#Thanksgiving, #joy, #giving, #personal essay, #blog, #narcissism 

Proliferation of Profanity in the UK

 

proliferation - noun- rapid increase in numbers (Oxford Language)

I am a britophile, meaning someone who admires the Brits: their culture, people, and traditions. Although the term is fairly new, my appreciation for the U.K. dates back to when I was five, listening to The Beatles on AM radio, dragging my poor father to the movie theater only to lose part of his hearing while hundreds of screaming young fans obfuscated the soundtrack of "A Hard Day's Night." When I could hear the boys' voices over the din, I fell in love with the fab four's British accents and use of foreign slang terms that I couldn't understand at all, and neither could my dad. 

Yet it wasn't until fairly recently that I discovered that the Brits have a proliferation of terms, so many slang expressions and around fifty swearwords, a much more generous selection than we do here in the U.S., we who tend to use "fuck" and "shit" way too frequently that they have lost their verve. The following list includes some of the terms that you may find memorable enough to want to use in place of the aforementioned and other American derogatory ditties if only just to irritate your friends who have never been out of the country. Use only when you want a laugh or some kind of attention. Most of these are considered more or less mild slang in the UK.

1. arse -n. - a variation of ass.

2. bell - n. - the head of the penis, used to mean fool.

3. blighter - n. - a contemptible person.

4. bollocks - n. - testicles, used to mean nonsense as in "Oh, bollocks!"

5. cack - n. - shit.

6. cock-up - n. - a screw up

7. cunt - n. - vagina, unpleasant or stupid person. Here it is verboten; over there, it is used as commonly as "fuck" is here. In short, it is a synonym for the American "fuck-up." 

8.  git - n. - basic Brit slang for the person who has just shown you up in some way.

9. knobhead - n. - a milder variation of bell, used in place of dick.

10. minging - adj. - foul, disgusting.

11. pillock - n. - nutcase

12. rotter - n. - person to be thought as as disgusting.

13. shite - n. - variation of shit (that's two words for shit already).

14. shag - v. - to fornicate, fuck, forbidden term among those with class, especially in England (but profane Hollywood included it in a movie title years ago as in "The Spy Who Shagged Me.")

14. taking the piss - making fun of.

15. twat - n. - mild synonym for vagina; idiot 

16. wanker - n. - someone who masturbates. (This one comes up a lot in British films.)

The above represents a small sample of British negative terms that can be useful in certain situations although I personally tend to prefer kindness to insults, but if you are angry and want to insult your antagonist (an American) without that person retaliating, try on one or two for size just to see what happens. Don't use cunt, though. Try "See you next Tuesday," the classy, near acronym. We all know what it means. Most likely the person might ask, "What did you say?" and your response might be "Nothing," but you'll walk away feeling like you just won a battle. 

(Thanks to Buzzfeed.com for the terms and their meanings).

#British profanity, #britophile, #personal essay, #blog, #blogger 

"Love Is Blind" and International Millennials

 

blind - adj. - having little or no usable vision; done without being able to see or without being in possession of certain information (Oxford Languages)

For the past two weeks, I have been recovering from minor surgery, which has left me bedridden and therefore vulnerable to binge watching TV series. Although I am not one to go for reality television and don't have an addictive personality, I have been finding Netflix's "Love Is Blind" (U.S., U.K. and France) to be a consuming, guilty pleasure (or displeasure depending on the circumstances). It may be because I am a sucker for a solid sociological experiment that involves romance. In case you have been avoiding this popular series, the premise involves matching up couples, sight unseen, not entirely unlike "The Dating Game" of the 1970s. The participants (most between the ages of 29-39) meet in pods connected via a wall, so the only way they can get to know each other is via conversation for ten days initially. As the pool of eligible singles diminishes, the time allotted increases to nineteen to twenty hours. The total time amounts to about ten days, comparable to months of dating in the real world. If the couples fall in love blindly, there is a proposal at which point they are released from the pods to meet in reality. Because the majority of the contestants are easy on the eye, no one that I have witnessed has balked at the point of revelation. To make a somewhat long summary a bit shorter, the now engaged couples are then whisked off to a romantic, tropical destination where they can get to know each other more intimately (meaning physically). If they survive this, they return to civilization to live together for about month before they actually marry formally. The clincher is that each has the ability to decline the offer at the alter, and many do. Perhaps an equal amount of the women and men have refused the prospect of a life-long commitment right at the very last minute, providing a significant amount of suspense, hence, the draw for most viewers. Bets are placed as to who will take the initial plunge, and if they do, who will survive the first year of marriage. The final episode shot a year later is a reunion of the couples. At this point, the viewers can collect on their bets as all reveal whether or not they are still together. 

The takeaway for me has been educational in terms of who Millennials are and how they love. I have studied all three versions of the series filmed respectively in the US, UK, and France. I was surprised at what may be considered to be "cultural differences." The American singles (Season 9: Denver) were rather stereotypically unpolished: bawdy (blatantly profane), bold (the women were not shy about reveling their breasts and jumping into bed with their men), big (some of the women were generously curvy) and maudlin. Most were tattooed. On the other hand, the Brits and French were somewhat more reserved in terms of their dress and physical appearance overall, word choice, sense of humor, and willingness to share sexual experiences. In all three series, the occupations varied tremendously across the board, but the American women placed the most emphasis on socio-economic status. The polite Brits and analytical French were blind to racial differences, probably because both countries have always had ties to other countries via the colonialism of the past. The crew from Colorado was mainly white. 

After watching all three, I found that very few of the couples that married remained together after a year or more. For example at present, after two seasons of the UK version, only three out of twelve potential marriages remain in tact (25%). The percentage is lower for the Americans. Out of nine seasons and a potential of 54 marriages, only nine couples are still together or roughly 16%. Love is definitely not blind. What kept the couples in all three nations from concentrating on what they found lovable as blind seekers in the pods was for the men, a hesitance to compromise and commit thoroughly, and for the women, unrealistically high expectations and lack of empathy. Out of the three, the Americans were the most immature (a few were Gen Z), which is mainly why none in Season 9 were able to say yes at the alter. All of the reunion shows enabled the couples to reflect back on their strengths and weaknesses. All walked away carrying valuable baggage: experience navigating romantic relationships.

What I learned as a viewer is that human beings need more than the ability to have lively conversations in order to cohabitate. True love has to be blind to an extent. Couples need not be afraid to accept each other at face value and be a bit more selfless so that compromise is possible. 

#Love Is Blind, #society, #love relationships, #reality series, #blog, #personal essay

 

An Abbreviated Age

 

abbreviation - noun - shortened form of a word or phrase (Oxford Languages)

"BTW, LMK if you'd like to catch lunch ASAP. LOL!" is a quote I might see in a text from a much younger friend. If you are finding yourself running to a laptop to look up the meanings of abbreviations, don't be embarrassed. At one time, I did as well. And I still do.

I realize the language is forever in flux, but are abbreviations replacing words because technology has brought out our inner indolence? Yup. It certainly seems that way to me. Seriously, when I was a kid, I don't recall hearing many abbreviations. Maybe a few acronyms like SCUBA, but I can't really say. It is as though we have created a code that only people who have smart phones can interpret. But doesn't everyone have a smart phone? No. According to Consumer Affairs, eight percent of Americans (28 million) don't own a smart phone. Which is hard to believe.

Maybe texting via smart phones doesn't have as much to do with the transition either. More and more abbreviations are showing up in everyday speech. The other day, I caught lunch with three friends of mine who happen to be involved in the Hollywood movie industry. Other than CGI (computer generated imagery) and SAG (Screen Actors Guild), I couldn't pick up on the meanings of any of the other abbreviations that came up during the conversation: PA (principal actor), BGP (background performer), and SI (stand-in). Rather than interrupt the flow to ask for clarification, my pride demanded that I remain ignorant so that I missed out on the gist of what they were saying the moment that they were saying it. Oh, well. 

Sometimes I feel as though the abbreviations are germinating as rapidly as weeds. Pretty soon, we will have invented a vocabulary composed primarily of them. Yikes! I'd better get cracking and learn the common ones, such as:

The two biggies in the news:

DEI - popular - diversity, equity and inclusion - featured in a Times op ed, how Trump has shuttered advances in civil rights

ICE - Immigration and Customs Enforcement

as well as these gems that have found themselves into oral verbiage:

BRB: Be right back (My daughter uses this one all of the time.)

IDK: I don't know.

TMI: Too much information (This is my personal favorite.)

ICYMI: In case you missed it

IMO: In my opinion

NVM: Never mind

TTYL: Talk to you later

OMG: Oh, my gosh 

OMW: On my way

K: okay

As for these and other abbreviations, OMG, if you have FOMO (fear of missing out), just remember YOLO (you only live once), but there are some individuals who might argue with you about that. Personally, I'd rather stick with words as I don't wish to be misinterpreted. And you?

#abbreviations, #personal essay, #society, #blog, #blogger 

The Case for the Excessive E-Bike

 

grommet - noun - a young surfer

There are two sides to every story. And in a debate, there are pros and cons: the case for and the case against. When it comes to the controversial e-bike, I presented the cons in my last entry. In this one, I'll present the pros. 

Actually before this past weekend, I didn't think there were any pros, but I was wrong. Sometimes I have to remind myself to look for the silver linings. In this case, I didn't find them in the clouds but on the path to a somewhat remote beach near San Clemente, California. If you have been following my blog, you may recall that I am dating a man who resembles James Bond in terms of his life experience, and his name just happens to be James. At the start of the 2002 Bond movie,"Die Another Day," viewers see the fictive James–Pierce Brosnan's stunt double along with trailing antagonists–surf down a titanous, tsunami-produced wave (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eG9ql6GA9F8). At 65, my Bond doesn't have the confidence to tackle a wave of this magnitude, but he will take on the same waves as the local experts. In fact, he probably IS an expert. But I digress. 

Just south of La Casa Pacifica, the Spanish colonial ranch that once housed Richard M. Nixon and his loyal wife Pat, is a stretch of beach in San Onofre known as the Trestles: Church, Middles, Lowers, Uppers, and Cotton. This area has been set aside not for bathers, but for surfers. And if you are a surfer in SoCal, you already know this and have probably surfed these waves more than once. What makes it hard is that there isn't any official parking that is free. Surfers, in general, are not known to have much money, so they park next to the 5, strap their boards onto their e-bikes, and cruise nearly two miles on an antique portion of the Pacific Coastal Highway that is no longer in use just to get to the right beach. Because the wide, paved route is not traveled by anyone other than these e-biking aqua types (who are frequently alone), there is very little chance of collision. Ergo, riding via the "excessive" e-bike isn't extreme at all. It actually makes sense especially as there are hills along the way that a manual bike would find challenging, and the rider, exhausting. After all, energy must be reserved for the waves. While I was there, I also noticed that the riders were at least seventeen or eighteen, more mature. I didn't see one wheelie attempted because the intention was not to show off but to arrive at the destination as quickly, safely, and effortlessly as possible. (And a wheelie would no doubt damage the board.)

I am sure that either you or I can think of other practical uses for the e-bike as well. Overall, the point that I am trying to make is that all inventions can be toxic if placed in the wrong hands. Allowing a minor excess to something potentially lethal is never a good idea even if the minor happens to be a grommet. Again, using common sense is what makes sense here, there, and everywhere.

#e-bike, #blog, #blogger, #social commentary, #personal essay, #parenting, #James Bond 

The Case Against the Excessive E-Bike (Pay attention, parents.)

 

e-bike - noun - a bicycle that can be run on electric power as well as pedaling. (Oxford Languages)

It has been 261 years since Voltaire wrote, "Common sense is not so common" in his work A Pocket Philosophical Dictionary. You would think more of us humans might have acquired some in the interim. Nope.

What is the latest nonsensical purchase for kids under eighteen? The e-bike. Innocently enough, this new fangled creation is in theory a bike. But don't be fooled. Just because it looks like your average two-wheeler, offering its riders a choice to pedal fiercely on manual or ride on a current of electricity on automatic, doesn't make it a substitute for your grandparent's 1956 Raleigh. If anything, it is more of a moped, the pseudo motorcycle that requires a driver's license, meaning that the rider has to be at least seventeen to ride it. The average moped can reach a top speed of 28-35 mph. And guess what? A superior e-bike can travel up to 28 mph as well. And the biker does not need a driver's license, making this device the most sought-after toy for minors out there. Apparently, kids, who are often bogged down by iPhones and video games, are feeling the need for speed outdoors on the open roads. Scary. 

Being that the holiday season will dominate sight lines after Halloween (at least at Walmart), should parents cave in to their kids' emotional pleas to buy them these bikes for Christmas or Hanukkah? Nope. Absolutely not. Why? AT $250 to over $3,000 per bike, THEY ARE expensive DEATHTRAPS. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Case in point: A week or so ago, my former musical partner in Jersey felt the need to text me some horrific news as I was preparing dinner here in SoCal. A thirteen-year-old-middle-school student who had been e-biking home from school collided with a landscaper's truck and was killed instantly just a few yards from her front lawn. The boy was moving so fast that the driver of the truck didn't even realize that the accident had taken place until he was over a block away. Rumor has it that the boy had been simultaneously texting and riding his e-bike at maximum speed, a trick that had obfuscated his awareness. Obviously, the adolescent was not mature enough to realize that what he was doing had the potential to be lethal. The tragic collision prompted local authorities to ban the e-bike from parks, but I am sure there will be some parents who will still permit their kids to ride them everywhere else. 

Here in L.A., there is a group of middle-school boys who have formed a nightmarish gang called the "Wheelie Boys." They joyride on e-bikes at top speeds, wildly traversing boulevard traffic at night, doing wheelies (a balancing act involving putting all of their weight on the rear wheel of their e-bikes so that the front wheel is forced up into the air). Why their parents would let them out of their homes at dinner time to do this sort of thing is beyond me. (These kids are from wealthy families for the most part.)  Why anyone would buy youngsters these dangerous bikes is just not in the range of common sense. 

Listen, parents. Take it from a retired, middle-school English teacher who raised a daughter pretty much by herself. If you want your children to grow up to a ripe old age in or out of your house, don't allow them to cajole you into getting them this toxic excuse for a modern invention. Buy them a "Keep Calm, I'm an Official Teenager" blanket on Amazon for $24.99 instead. It's cheap; it's comical; it's safe; it's worry free. Most of all, just think before you act when it comes to supplying your kids with the latest in trendy technological purchases. Voltaire would be proud of you for using genuine logic.

#blog, #social commentary, #personal essay, #e-bikes, #parenting, #opinion